I need some help and advice today! Our daughter, Lyla, is now wondering about Santa Claus. She's 8 and in 3rd grade. She has come to me about 4 different times in the past 2 weeks wondering about the truth. It wouldn't be so bad keeping up the story, but she puts it in a way that makes me feel terrible!
"Mom, it must be true, because you would never lie to us...right?" Or yesterday, Lyla came home from playing with a bunch of friends and was upset. "The kids were making fun of me because I asked Santa for gifts. Is Santa real? I want to make sure that you're not making a fool out of us in front of our friends." Kill me now!!! What the hell is the correct response? Do I tell the truth??
When Jake found out it wasn't really a big deal. He went about his normal day - told us that he figured. He actually said, "I feel so bad for making such large lists every year." Lyla is so emotional and dramatic! So dramatic that we're already dreading the day that a boy breaks up with her! Sopes says he's going to kill that guy because our life will be hell!! I'm hoping it's on a weekend, so she'll have recovery time. Yes, that dramatic!
I know she'll be pretty pissed at us - next will be sobbing over the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. I guess the bigger question is, how smooth do we want our holiday to be? Please help!!
Oh Kelly! The hard parts of being a Mama. I told Andrew when he was in third grade because I didn't want him to get made fun of. He did not take it well! We can now laugh about it together but it was rough... Good luck and have a wonderful Christmas!
Posted by: Maggie Reif | 12/22/2010 at 09:33 AM
When you find the answer to this, please share. My oldest just turned 9 and is in the 3rd greade, also. She is a drama queen. I think my 6 year old will handle it better and she will figure it out first and tell the oldest.
Posted by: Sandy Couey | 12/22/2010 at 09:34 AM
The way I approached it is to point out that Santa is something that comes from the heart. The fat guy at the North Pole isn't the important part. It's the spirit of giving, the spirit of bringing joy and that Christmas has a much more important meaning. After I told my son that he was OK. When asked if he believes in Santa his response is "I believe in the spirit of Santa!" He's 13 now and still "believes" as do I at 51.
Posted by: Jlsg | 12/22/2010 at 09:36 AM
Of course Santa's real!
Maybe he's not "real" in the sense that there's a fat jolly dude with a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer flying at mach 63 around the world on Christmas night, but it's sure fun to watch, isn't it? I mean, even NORAD does a tracking website that's really cool!
But even more importantly, Santa IS real in that he's inside each and every one of us in the spirit of giving in the holiday season - and throughout the year. And that's what I believe in when I say I believe in Santa.
Also, you can give her the historical perspective on the real Saint Nicklas, etc. - where the Santa thing comes from and all that. Other cultures call him by different names... Father Christmas, Kris Kringle... It's a neat story!
Posted by: Irockthered | 12/22/2010 at 09:37 AM
Santa is "the gift of giving"...and very real.
You can look children (and adults)in the eye and tell them truth if you use that phrase. Simple...nothing more.
Everyone in our house believes in Santa!
Posted by: IronMom | 12/22/2010 at 09:38 AM
Granted I'm young and have no kids, but I think the best way to approach it is to introduce her to the SPIRIT of Santa Claus. Rather than admitting the harsh reality that the jolly guy in the mall is a fraud and it's all a lie, you can admit that it's a representation of the spirit of Christmas and of St. Nick, like in a play. That's my spin on softening the blow and reminding her that just because a guy in a sleigh isn't real, doesn't mean that it's all a mean spirited lie. I hope my meandering thoughts help.
Cheers.
Posted by: Steevszafranski | 12/22/2010 at 09:39 AM
I think it might be a good idea to try to get past this year's Christmas without answering the question just to keep from the drama. I think that you have enough to deal with right now.
After the holidays, you might want to take her aside and let her know the truth. I think that she will understand your "little lie", if you approach it as a lie that was made to give her the excitment of the gift recieving of the season and that you and Sopes love to be able to surprise her with the gifts. You can also explain that even though there is no "Santa", the important part of "Santa" is that he represents gift giving to all, adults included.
Not sure if this helps?
Posted by: Shelly Bryant | 12/22/2010 at 09:58 AM
My son is 9 and in the 4th grade. He still believes in Santa and we still encourage him to do so. The teachers at his school say that at age 10 most of the kids stop believing in things like Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny so, you only have a couple years to go.
This is what I tell Ricky...
"First of all, don't forget that Christmas is about Jesus's birth. We love Jesus, right?
Santa represents the goodness of the holiday. He shows us how to give and care for eachother. If you believe in Santa and try to be good all year you will be rewarded at Christmas time."
"Children that don't believe in Santa start to lose their focus and aren't good all year. That's why they get fewer presents. Just like when you are in goal, if you lose your focus, you get fewer saves...right?" (He's a goalie so, I always throw a little hockey into every discussion.)
Also, we label specific presents From: Santa and From: Mom and Dad. The Santa ones are always the toys he wanted the most... no more than 2. I always tell him, "Santa will not give you everything on your list. His bag isn't that big so, put what you want the most on the top of your list."
Good luck! I hope this helps a little.
~Rita Foster
Posted by: Vetwanabe2003 | 12/22/2010 at 10:16 AM
When my little guy (who was also 8) asked me, I just told him that I really hoped so, and that I believe in him. That year, Santa left my son a handwritten letter (thanks Jenn) explaining that not everything has to be seen to be believed, that he should listen to his heart, not his friends, and left him a copy of "Polar Express". Mom got diamond earrings and a note that said "Thanks for believing"
Posted by: Penucks_Girl | 12/22/2010 at 10:19 AM
I went through the same situation around 4th grade and my parents decided to tell me that Santa is real but sometimes he needs a little help. They said that at one time Santa could do it all on his own but he's gotten older and it's a little harder now. They went on to explain that mommy and daddy got phone calls and e-mails from him all year asking for their help in making Christmas special for our family. They said that Santa made all my presents at the north pole but they would get them in the mail or go pick them up at the store and wrap them just for me. This was something special that Santa did for them by letting them be a part of Christmas for me! They also set up a special e-mail account that Santa would send me e-mails through for the rest of the year. I was able to send him e-mails asking him anything I wanted or just telling him about my day.
Posted by: Kimberly | 12/22/2010 at 09:55 PM
This is so hard! When i was approached with that question when my oldest was about the same age I asked her "well what do you think?" You kinda gotta take it from there depending on the response. If she still wants to believe you go with it, but if they really don't then I agree with the responses above. My oldest was ready to hear the truth so I explained the whole Christmas story and told her that we needed to not spoil it for the other 2 kids. My youngest on the other hand held onto it for a LONG time. I think you will know the right thing to do based on the answer you get to the question.
Posted by: Donna | 12/22/2010 at 11:12 PM